09/11/2013

 

Kayaking in Canada with Daddy!

 

Six months .......................... half a year ................................ an eternity in the life of a new adoptee.  "What are they saying now?  I don't understand.  What did I do wrong?  Why are they laughing?  When will I be able to tell them how I feel?"

Can we keep them daddy?

     As adoptive parents we do our best to empathize with our newest loved ones.  We try to put ourselves in their shoes and help them adapt to their radically changing lives but we always fall far short of the perfect parents.  For many of us, that gap can be miraculously bridged through God's love and the gentle, guiding hand of the Holy Spirit.  On those difficult days when life deals you too much; when one, or all of your children seem to be aligned against you, it is this peace and guidance that we reach for.

First Time Horseback Riding

The adoption journey is not for the meek and it is definitely not for the faint of heart.  There are days when you feel like you will burst with the overabundance of blessings you have received and then there are the other days.  The days when you ask yourself what on earth you have done?  You remember those "friends" who told you , in no uncertain terms, that you would ruin your "other" children; that you were insane for taking on "someone else's" problems.  Perhaps you even had a family member who took it upon themselves to "speak up" for the rest of the family.  On these difficult days we must lean on our piers within the adoption community and most importantly lean on God.  We are not concerned about what the "nay-sayers" think, we are only concerned about what God thinks.  We have been called to a specific purpose and there is no greater joy than this.  Everyone has a different calling in this world but we few know the joy of healing a broken heart.  The joy of reaching into the darkness and ransoming a life.  Romans 8:28 reminds us; "We know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."  In your times of struggle remember to lean on God and to lean on  His people.  You are NOT alone!

Dad, check out my hat!

     Our beautiful daughter, Caitlin has been home for six months now.  It is difficult for me to imagine where the time has gone.  It seems like just yesterday we were in China, meeting her for the first time.  Gone are the dirty looks, replaced mostly with smiles and we even get a fair bit of unsolicited affection.  To my utter amazement, she rarely even brushes off the "daddy germs" anymore if our arms accidently touch while doing homework:)

Sisters at the hairdresser with cousin Angela

     Caitlin's journey of growth and love has been fascinating to watch unfold.  She is a young lady with an incredible strength and unquenchable spirit.  Her language skills are quickly developing as are so many other areas of her life.  As she gains a level of comfort within our family what has amazed me the most is to see the development of a leader in our household.  She is quickly becoming an example to the other children in various aspects of her life and has even had the courage to share with us some of the horrific experiences of her past.  If she has accomplished this much in six months I cannot imagine where we will be in a year.  Please do not misunderstand; she is by no means perfect - but she is perfect for us.

     Thank you Lord for bringing this incredible child home to our family.  Thank you for all our children.  Your are truly awesome!

 07/10/2013

A few days ago I was tucking in my beautiful 13 year old daughter, Caitlin.  She has been home for four months now and the changes are remarkable.  This particular evening she was extremely talkative and attempting to convey to me several stories within the confines of her limited language skills.  One story stood out above all the rest.

She cradled an imaginary baby in her arms and said, "Caitlin - China."  The implications clearly being that this was Caitlin, as a baby in China.  Then she said, "Caitlin - mommy, daddy - China.", referring to her biological parents.  What happened next was heartbreaking.  With tear soaked eyes, Caitlin took the imaginary baby (herself) and threw it on the floor ........ her parents had thrown her away! This was what she had been told her whole life.

 How does one respond when confronted with the truth of a child being discarded like yesterday's garbage?  How could anyone right such a wrong?  With a quivering lip and open arms I enveloped my beautiful daughter and she readily accepted the comfort.  I explained that now she has a new mommy and daddy and we will love her forever - but the reality of her tragic life cuts me deeply to the core.

I applaud my daughter for the healing steps of discussing her past.  I revel in the knowledge that in only four short months she has learned so much.  She now swims like a fish, ripsticks, bike rides, kayaks, does taekwondo, studies her English with conviction, is immensely helpful around the house and even gives and receives hugs.  She is a miracle and a blessing all rolled into one amazing package. 

Were things always this great?  Most definitely not!  Four months ago, in China, an incredibly shy little girl rounded the corner and did not want to be touched.  Our first night together was comprised of mostly tears.  On day two we got nothing but dirty looks.  For much of the next several weeks and months we alternated between one or the other; or both!

People think that any adopted child must feel so lucky.  How many times have I heard, "They've won the lottery!", but the reality is much different.  These children had almost nothing; but what they had was comforting to them, even if it was abusive.  They need time to grieve the loss of their orphanage, friends and care givers, their country, their language and everything they have ever known.  The older ones had to make the courageous choice to leave everything behind and even had to sign their own adoption paperwork.  In many ways it is even harder for them to look back and know that they did it to themselves.

But time passes ......... very slowly at first - and you dig down deep and find something inside of yourself you didn't know was there.  You find compassion and love that God planted within you when He accepted you as His child.  When He loved you in spite of your actions and dirty looks; in spite of everything you did or did not do ............. He loved you ........... and you find this grace within you and you pour it out on your child.  You love her unconditionally regardless of her behavior and you, too, begin to change.  Together you grow and understand her pain and you live through it by her side.  And when one day she tells you why she hurts so badly and she shows you how her own parents threw her away, something special happens.  You hurt together, and you grieve together and you both become who God intended you to be ................. Father and Daughter .............. Forever!

 This is the remarkable journey of our newest family member but it is only the beginning.  We know we may yet have many difficult days ahead.  It is the story of three amazing siblings, Matthew, Luke and Rachel who have risen to every challenge and wrapped their hearts around their newest sister.  It is the story of one incredible woman and my wife of 19 years who holds us all together.  It is a journey of hope, sorrow and love that binds us together in a way that we could have never fathomed.  It a story that has helped us, through God, to become better and stronger as individuals as well as a family.  It, too, could be your story!

Millions of children in China, the U.S. and around the world long for nothing more than to be loved; to have a full tummy; to have a mommy and a daddy.  It could be you that answers their pleas for help.  When I go to bed at night my heart aches as I am haunted by the faces of those I had to leave behind.  I long for nothing more in this world then to go back and save another child.  To give someone hope; where there is none.  To show a child love who has known none.  Perhaps, you too, could answer a silent cry from the other side of the world?  Perhaps, you too, are someone's miracle?

03/10/2013 & 06/24/2013

When a child is in a orphanage in China they have the misfortune of seeing many horrible things.  They also get to witness their friends disappearing as "the lucky ones", usually "the perfectly healthy ones" get chosen to be part of a family.
 The rest stay behind hoping, wishing, praying that someone will hear there silent cries from the other side of the world.  When they turn 14 years old, they are no longer eligible for adoption and they are turned away from the orphanage - forever alone ........... forever without a family.

For those that are left behind.  The rumors fly about their friends that have disappeared.  Some say they were only adopted to be slaves to their new families, others they say, will be harvested for their organs.
 One thing is for certain.  When a lifelong friend leaves the orphanage for the last time.  They never expect to be reunited again.  These girls and boys have been through hardships and life experiences that most of us cannot even fathom.  They have a deep, deep bond with one another which they have formed in order to survive.  A few of us have found ways to bring the girls together again.  Through the wonders of Skype and FaceTime they do not need to feel alone anymore.   And in some cases, we can even get them together.
 Twice now, Caitlin has had the honor of being reunited with her dear friends.  The first time was a surprise for her just a week after she arrived home.  We were all at Grammie and Grampa's house in Florida for spring break and who appeared but the Byrne's bringing Maggie and Hope along with them.  Two amazing young ladies that Caitlin has known her whole life.  What an amazing day that was of laughter and reminiscing.

Most recently Caitlin was the one doing the surprising as she, little sister Rachel and daddy

 
flew up to Baltimore for the day.  What an awesome experience it was to watch the girls together.  You see Caitlin and YunYa were not just friends - they slept in the same "single bed" together every night for most of their lives.  I do not believe I have ever heard Mandarin spoken for six hours straight before! (Without a single pause!)  It was an incredible day!

Thank you so much Byrne's and Frederickson's for making this happen. You are the greatest!

03/02/2013

Today we are whole!  Today the Armstrong's became a stronger and more complete family!  Today we are one!

 After a brief stay in Los Angeles and a visit with Song-Ae's dear brother Daniel and his family, we were off to Houston.  Caitlin had trouble sleeping the night before, as she was so excited about going home for the very first time.  As she lay in bed, she kept sitting up and saying, "Daddy ............  Gegaw, Didi, MeiMei" (Older brother, younger brother, little sister)  These were the few words she knew I would understand.  "I know sweetheart, I know ........ we'll be home soon.  They are waiting for you and they will love you forever."

The two and a half hour plane ride seemed to take forever.  The flight, as usual, was very difficult on our daughter's inexperienced stomach but she was all smiles nonetheless.  Even after filling two airsick bags:)  Nothing was going to spoil this for her.

 As we got off the airplane, Caitlin was still all smiles but I could tell she was nervous too.  We walked down the concourse and rounded the corner at security .............. to the cheers and applauding of 30 wonderful friends!  They held signs and banners and balloons.  It was a welcome fit for a queen .......... or at least our newest little princess!

Two brothers and one insanely excited little girl waited with her toes edging up against the security line as close as humanly possible just "willing" her sister closer with every second!

 And then, we were together!  The year long ordeal and the agony of uncertainty was over.  Our daughter was finally home safe!  Never again would she want for food!  Never again would she want for love!

As Grampa and Grammie drove us home from the airport the experience was almost surreal.  Caitlin tried to take everything in as her eyes darted about.  Everyone was so excited to have her here and desperately wanted to make her feel comfortable.  Finally, exhausted and almost out of steam we pulled around the corner to our

home - Caitlin's first home ever ................. and were welcomed by the cheers, banners and balloons of the 50 most wonderful neighbors and friends in the world.  Caitlin's eyes grew big as she realized she was in for more of those "dreaded American hugs".  She shyly excited the car and handled each one of them with the grace of a well practiced hand.  After a brief visit with so many loving friends we said good-bye and she finally entered her sanctuary.  After such an ordeal, the inside of the home was only for immediate family.

Our little girl timidly entered her home and the door closed behind her.  In China, she may have been an orphan ........... but now, she will ever be "Our Princess!"

02/24/2013

Today we visited the Zoo in Guangzhou. Every experience is new. Every experience is amazing to watch our beautiful little girl as her eyes recognize for the first time creatures she has only dreamed of.  Wonder .......... amazement .............. a little fear ............. and lots of fun as she learned her mother is terrified of snakes! She even brought home two pet pandas; One for herself and one for her sister.

Dude! That's my head you're eating!

02/23/2013

Caitlin is an amazing little girl.  In spite of her fears and a good deal of "stomach-emptying" air sickness, she smiled during most of her first flight today from Hefei to Guangzhou.  Why has God blessed us with such an incredible young lady?  Perhaps we will never know.  One thing is for certain.  If we had not stepped out of our comfort zone, trusting Him, in faith; we would have missed out on so much of His plan for us!

02/19/2013

The vehicle shuttered as it splashed through another pothole and sprayed slush into the air.  The old dirt road was probably never in great shape but had long since passed its prime.  The car rattled again as it passed an old factory and then was bracketed on either side by the snow-covered mounds of a Chinese burial sight.  Then it pulled through the archway of the oldest and poorest orphanage in the province of Anhui.  Children of all ages came running as the vehicle approached, waiting to see their dear friend one last time.

From within the vehicle, stepped Caitlin Guangzheng Armstrong.  An orphan herself until a day earlier.  Clean for perhaps the very first time and dressed in clothing from her dreams.  Around her neck sparkled the heart of a necklace - A promise from her new parents to love her forever.  Her twelve year old hands were weathered well beyond her years by the bitter cold.  There is no heat in this facility anywhere and the water is barely above freezing.  Her nearly anorexic form, steeled by years of hardship, held strongly against the onslaught of children.  Tears rolled down her cheeks as she greeted her friends one last time and the pain of her life reflected powerfully in her eyes.

The crowd swelled around her and followed as she showed her parents where she lived, slept and perhaps more accurately, survived since she was two days old.  Her parents tried unsuccessfully to hold back the pain of what they saw, recognizing that this was beyond even their worst nightmares.

Then one incredible women entered the room.  The one women that taught Caitlin how to love and be loved in return.  This women had been there through all the pain of life and had walked with her every step of the way.  Tears, sadness, heartbreak and joy - a rush of emotions to strong to comprehend.

Caitlin walked the group back to the vehicle and picked up the many gift bags she and mommy had prepared.  This was her job and she would carry every one of them herself.  The group flocked around as she passed out her gifts, each desperately wanting a precious nick-nack.  Caitlin knew exactly were each bag would go and no one would dare try to dissuade her from her chosen course.

After the children received their gifts, the group headed to a bigger room for a piece of cake.  A special favor she had asked of her parents two weeks earlier.  The party was a great success; then it was back to the vehicle for a final farewell.  Words were spoken, thoughts were exchanged and with one final wave of her hand - she was gone. She was queen for a day but the memories will last forever!

So this was part of today's adventure.  An experience which SongAe and I have both agreed will change us forever.  Seeing how our daughter lived; the conditions; the smells; the lack of food; the bitter, icy cold - it will not be something we will ever forget!

The strength of our daughter is unimaginable.  As we drove away from the orphanage not one more tear was shed.  She was full of smiles as we arrived at the police station to apply for her passport and equally as joyous as we waited an hour plus in line.  She grinned at the compliments two Chinese women threw her way as they told her she was beautiful. The two had figured out what was going on with the adoption and asked Caitlin if she spoke English.  Our daughter giggled and said no as she beamed at the compliment.

What's absolutely remarkable is Caitlin's condition today compared with yesterday.  This morning I was awakened to the steady banging of pillows on my head as SongAe and Caitlin decided to wake me up in typical Armstrong fashion.  I, of course, struck back and we had a great bit of family fun!

This evening she decided she was going to communicate with us, one way or the other, and is becoming quite the chatter box.  She is evening correcting our Mandarin pronunciation.

Our evening concluded with a Skype call from Grammie and Grampa and her two brothers.  She was soooo excited to see them all and waved emphatically.  She was also extremely excited to visit with her grandparents for the very first time.  After a while, she looked at us and said "mei mei"?  Where is my younger sister?  She was still asleep so we arranged another call 30 minutes later so the two girls could visit.  Both girls, across the sea, got their barbies out and used the dolls to wave to one another.  Our daughters had their first playtime together!  Words cannot describe!

So how do we explain the difference between today and yesterday?  There really is only one answer possible.  God is amazing.  His loving hand has been upon this union from the start.  The prayers of friends halfway around the world have been heard ........ And He has answered!

Make no mistake, the road we have ahead of us is filled with potholes ......... But maybe .......... Just maybe ....... You too may find His blessings underneath an old, broken down archway on the other side.  Don't be afraid to travel where He leads you! - You'll miss out on the best part of life!

Oh, and by the way.  Today it became official - Caitlin Guangzheng Armstrong is forever our daughter!  Glory be to God!

By His grace,

Jeff & SongAe

02/18/2013

Dearest Friends,

For almost a year now I have slept with my IPhone shining brightly beside me.  The screen prominently displayed my beautiful daughter, half a world away.  It reminded me to think of her; it reminded me to pray for her; it reminded me of the gift God has generously given us.

Tonight, for the first time since we found our daughter, I will sleep with my phone off.  I no longer need it.  She now sleeps in the next bed beside us!  Today, in China, in the province of Anhui, in the city of Hefei, we were finally united.

A shy little girl came meekly around the corner and leaned against the wall, unsure of what to do with herself.  Her parents timidly approached and gave her a hug.  She smiled and looked down at the floor, back up and down again.  She was gorgeous, afraid, thin as could be and she was ours!

We visited for about 45 minutes and filled out paperwork.  We gave her some gifts - primarily a heart shaped necklace which symbolized our promise to always love her.  The translator/guide explained this to her and she seemed very pleased.

Shortly thereafter we discovered that she got up at 5am to make the two hour drive to Hefei.  The care givers at the orphanage had decided not to feed her because they thought she would get car sick.  Where would you like to go to eat Caitlin?  "KFC".  And off we went!

After KFC it was off to Walmart to see our first grocery store.  She loved pushing the cart and was immediately drawn to the "Barbie Section".  Yes, she is now the proud owner of her first Barbie doll.  Then she chose some candy for her friends at the orphanage.  Tomorrow we will be making the long trek back to her home city of Huainan to see the orphanage.  Given that Anhui is the poorest province in China and the orphanage in Huainan is the poorest orphanage in Anhui, we could use your prayers tomorrow.

Caitlin's triumphant return will be to the sound of many gift bags, candy for the children and a giant cake for all.  We will be having a farewell party and staying for a couple hours before returning to Hefei.

This day has been filled with an unbelievable level of emotions for us all.  The joy of first seeing our daughter!  The sorrow as she cried multiple times throughout the day, missing her caregivers at the orphanage who raised her for 12 years.  The laughter and wonder as she experienced new things. (This was her first time "ever" outside her hometown)

Caitlin has now called her nanny back at the orphanage about 8 times today.  4 of those times were because she was so sad (crying), she didn't know what to do.  4 others were because she was so excited she could hardly contain herself.  (Should be an interesting hotel phone bill!)

Caitlin and daddy went swimming in the hotel pool today only to discover it was freezing. Correction - Caitlin and daddy went swimming in the hotel hot tub today and had a great time.  I am certain she will make a great swimmer!

There was one other family here today receiving there child.  A couple from Florida who also brought their biological children (8/girl - 4/boy). They were a Godsend!  Our doorbell rang this evening and the mother of the family (whom we met again at diner) wanted us to come to the their room.  She'd heard we were having some trouble and wanted us to see her friends who had adopted from the same orphanage that our daughter came from. (BTW they adopted a 2 year old girl today). Caitlin reluctantly followed and the second we entered their room our daughter smiled.  There must have been about 7 or 8 girls from "her orphanage" displayed on the screen.  They all had families and they were all happy.  Instead of just her friends that disappeared, never to be heard from again; they were alive and well and smiling faces in the pictures.  Caitlin was practically jumping up and down as she pointed and spouted off all their names.  But it got better!

Next, our new friend, Deidra set up a Skype call with two of the girls who left six months ago and they chatted away for about thirty minutes.  That is, after Caitlin's friends remembered how to speak Mandarin.  Seems she'd forgotten at first.

Our day ended with a short prayer and a warm hug from our beautiful daughter.  It's 11:30pm and I think she's finally asleep.  She has gotten up at least four times and re-arranged all the gift bags for tomorrow.  She is very excited once again.  Let's hope it stays that way for at least an hour or so.

We are, all of us, overwhelmed with emotion and exhaustion.  Tomorrow will be an incredibly difficult day for each of us but especially Caitlin.  She will have to say goodbye to her caregivers and friends a second time and navigate these confusing feelings once again.  Pray for our protection and emotional strength, pray for Caitlin's healing and pray that we show our love for the Lord in all that we do.  Love to you all!

By His Grace,

Jeff & SongAe